My Scent of Choice

Every day I slather on a.....load of some scented body cream. What's it called, you ask? I'll tell you. It's called Nut Butter.

Now before you think I've gone all NAMBLA and whatnot, lemme explain: I worked at Walmart for a couple years, and I used to joke around with the other employees so we wouldn't end up cutting off our bosses' heads with a butter knife.

One day a fellow employee came running up laughing and holding a jar of Nut Butter, which had just been put on a shelf in Personal Hygiene. It's really a Brazilian shea butter that smells friggin great -- kind of like coconut suntan oil.

But like three hours later it was gone from the store shelf. Apparently a manager saw it and said, "C'mon. We can't sell a product called 'Nut Butter!'"

But I order a jar online about every six months. And I friggin cover my neck and arms with it every day, just HOPING someone asks,"Hey, you smell great! What's that called??"